In a small town in Vermont in an old wood-smoking shed behind his dad’s farm, you’ll find the man who calls himself “Hegel.” His job is to take money from high-powered people and perform tasks delivered to him either by dead dropped handwritten ciphers or by one of his award-winning carrier pigeons. He calls himself Hegel because he helps people drive the political divisiveness that will one day thrust into another war; brother against brother.
In that shed, the man named Hegel takes a fee from a client to move in on a mark; this time Monica Lewinski. He writes a series of stories and has them promoted by Macedonian websites all across the internet that Ms. Lewinsky was murdered. What made this plan so elaborate was that this time the professional troll, rather than make Clinton the bad guy, made sure to proclaim his innocence.
The end result, in a poll by Reuters, says that at 9AM this morning nobody cared about Monica Lewinski but by 9:00 PM, she was being tossed around as a rumored death that if anything ended up making former President Bill Clinton look good, which is great news for his boss at the NOS headquarters at Isla Malia off the shoreline 106 miles from Washington DC.
LLOD correspondent Skip Tetheluda was put in contact with Hegel, who told him:
“I get a check, I do the work. I take money from Soros, money from Koch and Koch, Obama, Clintons, whoever. This time Soros wanted Lewinski in the news to bring an ‘aww shucks’ vibe for Clinton. I killed her off. The end result was to announce she pulled the hoax herself. It didn’t work out. Now it’s just a cool day-long hoax with a fuck you ending.”
Lewinsky is, of course, alive and well and currently having a bean salad in Jacksonville. She had no comment other to say that “conservatives are so fucking stupid. Crack a book for God’s sake.” She says the incident wouldn’t be as bad had it not just come out that she and Bill Clinton never ended their affair.
But now nobody cares about that. That’s how these truth-stealers do. They take our freedom by taking our truths! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!